The Kobayashi Maru
by PetchricorXConstellation
Summary: Wash asks the leader of the new Project Freelancer to take the reds and blues in as agents, but she refuses. Will they be able to beat the test that has never been beaten and get excepted into the new Project? Read on to find out... *Rated T for language and a bit of yaoi*


**I'm working on the second chapter for _Eppy and the Chief _so don't worry. I just got this idea and thought I'd put it up. As I stated in the summary this is basically the Freelancer Program was set back up but by better people and Wash was taken in (they haven't found Carolina yet) and he wants the team in but they won't hire them because they're sim. troopers. Also, there is extreme Grimmons in here. Hope you enjoy**

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"Come on, just give them a chance!" Wash said, following the Captain around as she walked to the bridge. She growled and turned around to face him. Wash took a small step back, not liking the look she was giving him.

"Listen, I understand that they're your team and all, but they're sim. troopers Wash! They can't be Freelancers, they're not good enough. Now, if somehow you can prove to me that they can handle it, then maybe I'll take them in, but I highly doubt you can," she told him firmly as she kept walking. Wash thought through his mind quickly, trying to think of something. His head jerked upwards as he thought of something. The Kobayashi Maru! The test nicknamed after that one Star Trek thing and was given the name because no one had ever beaten it. It wasn't impossible, it was just the hardest test ever and no one had ever passed it. Wash bolted through the halls and entered the bridge, standing a few feet behind her.

"The Kobayashi Maru!" he shouted, getting everyone to look over at him. "What if they passed the Kobayashi Maru?" The captain shared a look with her second in command and turned back to Wash, walking over to him and holding her data pad behind her as she gave him a funny look.

"Are you saying that you want them to take the test that has _never_ been passed ever since it was instated and if they pass I'll have to let them in? And you really believe they can do it?" she asked, disbelief entering her voice. Wash nodded, obviously eager. She sighed and tapped the data pad. "All right, if you're sure. But if they only get one chance, and if they pass I'll put them in. But they wont." She muttered the last part and walked away. Wash fist pumped and ran back to the hanger to tell the others about the test, of course leaving out the tiny detail that it was pretty much impossible.

...

They were at the last room of the test Wash had put them in and were almost out of ammo. Sarge and Grif were arguing while Caboose kept asking Tucker questions over and over again with Donut beside him. Simmons peeked into the room and cursed quietly. He turned to the others and they all went silent to listen.

"There are thirty soldiers," he whispered. "There's no way we can take them out with how much ammo we have." They all whispered amongst themselves and suddenly Caboose spoke up.

"Why don't we do it Wash's way?" he said in a cheery voice. They all looked at each other and nodded. Caboose smiled. "Simmons and Tucker should go in first, because they're the fastest and hide behind something, then Sarge and Grif go in and fire on them with their ammo while Donut and I rush in and while they're distracted we take them by surprise from behind, then Simmons and Tucker would pop out and fire on them!" Everyone stared at Caboose in shock. "Wash told me a story." They rolled their eyes at his.

"Hey, a good idea is a good idea. I say we go for it," Simmons told them. They all nodded and got in the order Caboose had told them. Tucker and Simmons nodded to each other. "Mark." Simmons and Tucker bolted out and ducked behind two crates, being granted a miracle as none of the guards saw them. Sarge and Grif nodded to each other and bolted out. Grif knelt on his right knee to Sarge's right and fired on the guards, getting their attention. Grif rolled out of the way as one of them shot at him and fired one in the shoulder while Sarge got one in the and Caboose snuck in and rounded the room until they came to the back of the guards. They nodded to each other.

"MARK!" Caboose and Donut screamed as they lept over the boxes and everyone gave in their fire. Simmons and Tucker popped out from their hiding places and fired as well, taking out all of the guards. By the end everyone's guns clicked empty. They came together in the middle of the room.

"Uh, guys," Grif said, getting all to look at him. "There's still one more room, and there's fifty." Sarge and Simmons dropped their guns at this news and everyone looked terrified. "So, any ideas?" Sarge grabbed his shotgun from the ground and whirled it around so he held it like a mallet.

"We go down fightin'!" he shouted and everyone nodded in agreement. "Find something to hit 'em with and let's kick some ass boys." Caboose and Donut grabbed pieces of pipe while Simmons and Grif simply twisted around their guns like Sarge. Tucker grabbed the hilt of an energy sword that didn't work, getting everyone to give him a puzzled look. He huffed.

"Hey, this thing is heavy," he told them. They all shrugged and headed towards the door. "Guys, there's no way we can win this. And I just want to let you know that I hate every single one of you, but mostly Caboose." Caboose sniffled.

"I hate you too, Tucker!" he said in a heartfelt way. Everyone chuckle. "And may Grif die first." Sarge and Simmons snickered and Grif huffed, unamused by the joke. Without a word everyone raised their weapons and let out a loud battle cry that everyone on the ship heard and startled the guards inside. "FOR NARNIA!" Everyone burst out laughing at Caboose quote as they bolted inside to the guards.

Caboose lept into the air and landed on a man as he hit him in the head. As though it was second nature he grabbed his pistol and fired at his head with it. He hit another guard in the head with his pipe and grabbed his pistol as well, tossing it over to Donut who fired on a soldier. Sarge grabbed a man by the neck and tossed him into Grif, getting them all to laugh as he did so. Tucker yelped and hit the ground as a paintshot came his way, Caboose hit the man with a pipe and they gave each other a thumbs up as Caboose tossed him the guard's pistol.

"GRIF!" Simmons shouted, grabbing him by the arm and yanking him out of the way of a paintshot. Grif grabbed his empty pistol and tossed it at the guy, hitting him square in the head. In his surprise the guard shot himself in the head as he fell to the ground. Simmons and Grif both laughed at that. "Nice throw there buddy. LOOK OUT!" Both bit the deck as another paintshot went their way.

"Catch!" Tucker shouted, tossing Grif one of the guard's pistols. Tucker looked over at Caboose and yelped. "HIT THE DECK!" he screamed and everyone fell to the ground as Caboose tossed a paint grenade that sent a spray of paint all across the room but just barely missed the sim. troopers as they were all laying on the ground, out of rang. Everyone stood and looked at the fifty downed soldiers. "That was awesome!" Tucker found himself hugging Caboose as they all laughed. They all watched as Grif lifted the small ball into the air and turned to face them.

"Whoo-rah!" Sarge shouted and they all cheered. Sarge looked around at all of them and his eyes widened a bit. Tucker's armor had lost the majority of its paint and was pretty much grey all over, and his visor had a crack going all along the top of it. Caboose's armor was missing some of the paint but not a lot and his right glove was missing, also the tips of his helmet were missing and his visor had a firm crack going right across his vision. Simmons' armor had lost some paint but not too much and his visor had a crack to the right left of it. Donut was hardly missing any paint and his visor wasn't cracked at all, though his helmet looked like it was about to crack in half. But Grif was the worst of them.

His armor was missing all of the paint except for tiny pieces here and there and his helmet had cracks all over. He was missing his left glove and his helmet had the small tip of a knife stuck in it. He had a bit of paint stuck to his left knee and his arms were covered in scratches from climbing up in the rafters to grab a sniper rifle he had spotted up there. His right leg had a dent right behind the knee which looked like it was making it hard for him to bend. Sarge looked down at his hands to see him also missing paint and he spotted a small crack to the left-hand side of his visor.

"Private Grif, it seems you've got more scratches then the rest of us," Sarge muttered looking over at him. Everyone glanced over at Grif and nodded in agreement. "I guess you really can get the job done." Grif shrugged but behind his helmet had a huge smile. There was a loud beeping noise and the paint faded away and the guards all got to their feet.

"Simulation complete. Winner: Blood Gulch Team Alpha," came the voice of Sheila. At the mention of their victory they team all highfived and laughed in joy before walking back to the bridge. As they walked the halls they made themselves stand up tall as people backed out of their way as they passed them. They felt like they were about to fall to pieces and just wanted to fall to the floor and passed out, but instead they stood tall and walked in even strides towards the bridge. When they arrived they saw the Captain staring at Sheila's hologram in shock.

"What do you mean 'they won'? No one beats the Kobayashi Maru! No one, ever, it's impossible because it's designed that way!" she screamed. The hologram shrugged and disappeared. Wash was smiling behind his helmet and looked up as the team entered, surprising him with how they held themselves. Having been forced into the Kobayashi Maru himself he knew how hard it was and by the state of their armor he could tell they had been through hell, but yet they acted as though they had just gotten back from a jog in the morning. He chuckled lightly to himself and tapped the Captain's shoulder, getting her to look at them.

"Ma'am, I do believe you have to soldiers to instate into the new Freelancer Project," he said in a cool, but taunting, voice. The Captain gave him a pointed glare before turning to the team with a nod.

"So it seems. You six go take a shower and turn in your armor to get replaced then do whatever you please, I'll be sure to contact you if you are needed," she said. The all nodded with a chorus of 'yes ma'am' and salutes. She nodded firmly. "Good. Dismissed." With that one word they all left the bridge and did as ordered. In the men's locker room all their armor was tossed into a bin and they all hopped into the showers.

"Goddamn, anyone else think that was brutal?" Grif asked as he let the cool water flow over his sweat covered body. He heard mumbled agreements and he tipped his head back to that the water rinsed off his face. "I'm in heaven." The pathetic moan-like tone in Grif's voice got chuckles from the other stalls and he smirked a bit in response. "Hey, you agree with me and you know it."

"Damn right numbnuts," Sarge agreed as he rubbed shampoo into his short hair. He let out a pleased sigh as the soapy substance ran down his back. "I will never underrate a shower ever again." Everyone chuckled in agreement to this statement and Sarge made a note of Grif snicker as he agreed with him. Sarge smiled a bit and ran his fingers through his hair as the shampoo rinsed out, happy to feel the sweat washing out.

"I always hated showers, they were a waste of my time. But at this moment? Man, not even a girl could make me say no to this," Tucker announced from his stall as he ran soap over his strained arms. Everyone burst out laughing at this commenting. Tucker chuckled a bit as well and sighed in relief as he felt the water trickle down his back, front, and sides. This truly was the best feeling in the world. He heard someone slip in their shower and curse loudly. Recognizing the voice Tucker felt a bit of worry enter his voice. "Caboose? Are you ok?" He heard the soldier stand up.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he grumbled as he got back to his feet. He missed the small sigh Tucker let out but even if he had he probably wouldn't know what it meant anyway. Caboose grabbed the shampoo and rubbed it in his short, blonde hair with a content sigh. Caboose was used to baths so standing up in the shower was a new concept, that's why he had slipped. Of course he didn't mind the shower, it was kinda nice actually. He let out another sigh. "Admiral Muffin Head, are you enjoying your shower?" Tucker and Grif started to snicker, but Caboose didn't notice.

"Yeah, it's nice," Donut said in a tired voice as he rubbed the last bit of conditioner out of his hair. Everyone laughed a little at his tone and finished up their own showers. Once done they all rubbed their hair as dry as they could and got dressed in their civvies before heading out to the rec room. Grif wore an orange T-shirt and grey sweatpants with sneakers on his feet. Simmons wore a maroon T-shirt with jeans on and sneakers as well. Caboose wore a dark blue T-shirt with black sweatpants and sneakers like the other two. Donut wore a pink T-shirt and blues jeans with bright pink sneakers on his feet. Sarge wore a red T-shirt with jeans and combat boots.

The entire team all lay in the rec room together, finally feeling the entire strain of their muscles. Caboose lay on one of the couches with his legs laying over Tucjer as he sat on the end with his leaned back. Donut sat sideways in one of the chairs and poked himself to find what bruises he had. Grif lay on full-out on the couch and after a five minutes argument about it with Simmons ended up with the maroon soldier laying on top of him, but neither seemed fazed by this or really cared. Simmons wasn't bothering any of Grif's bruises and to him that's all that mattered. Sarge lay sprawled out on the floor staring at the ceiling.

"Wow, you guys seemed so collected earlier and now you look like you just went through hell," Wash commented as he walked into the room. Everyone glanced at him as he spoke, grunting and grumbling in response. He laughed a little. "I knew you guys could do it. You're just so relaxed and confident in yourselves." They all smiled a bit and Grif grunted.

"Ow! Simmons, don't elbow me!" Everyone looked over at the two and Wash looked almost mortified at the sight of the two. Simmons grumbled and shifted his position so they his elbow wasn't jabbing Grif in the side as he kept his eyes shut. "Thank you." Everyone started to laugh as they saw Wash's expression and he huffed. Grif snickered and shook his head as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "What's the matter Wash? Never seen two guys sleep together? OW! Simmons!" Simmons was glaring at Grif. "I was teasing him, geez, calm down." Wash shook his head.

"No, the exact opposite in fact, that's why I looked so weirded out," he admitted. Tucker's neck became straight and he stared at Wash. "Don't say ut, and no, it wasn't me." Tucker shrugged and leaned his head back. "I have some stuff to discuss with the Captain, you guys stay out of trouble." They all nodded and Wash walked out. As he left everyone went back to the exact positions they had been in before Wash arrived.

"Wash has been through a lot of shit, huh?" Grif commented. Everyone nodded in agreement with the statement and mumbled a few responses. Grif let out a light sigh, feeling a bit sorry for the ex-Freelancer. Grif heard footsteps and wondered who it was, but decided someone would say their name if they knew so didn't turn his head to look. Caboose gasped and got a huge smile.

"Carolina!" he shouted, leaping up from where he lay and hugging the woman. Tucker grunted and held his chin while glaring at Caboose after he had kicked him there from trying to get up. Grif twisted around a bit to see Caboose hugging Carolina tight, but what caught him by surprise was that Carolina was wearing civvies. She wore a blue shirt with jeans and was walking around in socks. Her hair was pulled back into a neat ponytail that was soaking wet from taking a shower. She looked down at Caboose and patted his head with a tiny smile.

"It's good to see you too Caboose," she told him kindly. Caboose grabbed her over to the couch and sat her down on the far end while he sat in the middle (because he knew how much she and Tucker hated each other) and continued to hug her. She looked around at the others. "Well, it seems that the Captain has placed all of us as a team, Wash is a part of it too. So it looks like we'll be working together again. Grif got a smile and laid his head back.

"You know what? I'm actually looking forward to it," he told her. Everyone stared at him. "Standing around and talking is boring anyway." Everyone laughed a little at this and Simmons shook his head. He poked him on the nose.

"You're really confusing, you know that? One minute you're lazy and don't want to be part of the project, then you want to join, then you don't, and now you do again, make up your mind! I mean, seriously, you need to make a decision and stick to it! It's not that hard, really, it's not, I promise you that it-" Simmons went pink and stared down at Grif as he kissed him for a moment, everyone else stared as well.

"Shut up, will ya? I'm trying to sleep here," he muttered. Simmons snarled and glared down at Grif. The lazy soldier opened his eyes and looked at Simmons as his faced hovered barely even an inch away from his face. "I'm dead, aren't I?" Simmons nodded. "Yeah, I thought so. If anybody needs me I'll be running as fast as I can, through the halls, just in front of Simmons. BYE!" Grif lept off the couch and took off running with Simmons right behind, leaving a room full of laughter.

"You know what?" Carolina said, getting everyone to look over. Caboose yelped in surprise as she wrapped an arm around him and ruffled up his hair with a smile. "I think I might actually enjoy being part of the project this time." Caboose yanked himself from her grasp and knocked into Tucker, pretty much laying in his lap. Caboose gave a dumb smile.

"Hi, Tucker," he said in a nervous tone. Tucker glared down at him angrily and huffed. "I just didn't want Carolina to kill me, so I pulled away and ran into you." Tucker leaned down at him, still glaring. "Please don't kill me!" Caboose hid his face in fear. Wash walked inside and Church hovered by his left shoulder as this happened. No one noticed the pair as they entered and they looked over at Tucker and Caboose. Tucker sighed a bit.

"Nah, that's no fun," Tucker said in a bored tone. Caboose separated his arms a bit to peek out at Tucker as he stared at the wall in thought. He got an evil smirk. "But this is!" Caboose shrieked and laughed as Tucker began to tickle him. Caboose tried to fend him off as he continued to laugh hysterically, getting everyone to smile at the sight. Wash chuckled and felt Church's smile at the sight of the two. Caboose yelped as he fell onto the ground and everyone laughed a little at this. Wash yelled out in surprise as Grif bolted passed with him Simmons right behind.

"Help! Help! Help!" Grif screamed. Sarge moved his leg, tripping Grif and Simmons onto the floor. Grif glared at him and Sarge shrugged calmly. "Damn you. AH!" Simmons turned him over and glared down at him. Grif got a nervous smile. "Does 'I'm sorry' fix anything?" Simmons shook his head. "How about 'I'm really, really sorry'?" He shook his head again. "How about 'I never should've done that in public and please don't kill me'?" Everyone's head turned towards them.

"What does 'in public' mean, exactly?" Tucker asked. Simmons glared at Grif even more and the orange soldier gave another nervous chuckle. "What, so you've done it in private before or what?" Simmons grew slightly pink and everyone's eyes widened a bit. "Oh, well ok than." Sarge rolled his eyes and muttered something that no one really cared to catch. Caboose sat up so that he leaned up against Tucker's legs while he watch Simmons glare at Grif.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please don't kill me!" Grif pleaded. Simmons leaned down and kissed Grif, and the instant it happened Tucker covered Caboose's eyes. The rookie tried to pry his hands away for a moment but decided that Tucker probably had a reason and stopped. Wash rolled his eyes and looked away while Church snickered and everyone else just shook their heads. Donut was the only one smiling at the couple kissing each other on the floor.

"So, who's the girl in the relationship?" Tucker asked. Simmons pulled back and glanced over at Tucker in thought.

"Well, Grif's to lazy to be a man, so I guess that's him," he mocked. Grif glared at him and Simmons snickered while everyone else joined him. Grif huffed and Simmons stood up, helping Grif to his feet. "Oh lighten up jackass, it's just a joke." Grif lay back down on the couch and Simmons joined him. Wash plopped down onto the floor and Church followed. Sarge looked up at Wash and both just shrugged as if there was some unspoken question between the two that neither knew what the answer was. There was a long moment of silence that was only broken by Carolina's sudden laughter. Everyone looked over at her.

"As I said before, gonna be a very enjoyable time at Project Freelancer," she told them as she lay down. "Move your arms Tuck." Tucker lifted his arms up and gave Wash a terrified look as Carolina lay her head on the armrest just beyond his lap. "And no remarks or any ideas, got it?" Tucker slowly nodded and tried to figure a way to put his hands without touching her without much success. He sighed.

"Aw, fuck it," he grumbled and set his arms on her stomach. He flinched and looked down at her, expecting a punch to the jaw or something. But she didn't move other than a short tensity in muscles. He raised an eyebrow and she looked over at him with a confused expression. Wash rolled his eyes and chuckled.

"York would do that all the time, she's used to it. Just keep your hands in the right place. Not to far north or south," Wash told him. Tucker nodded and leaned back with a light chuckle. Church's hologram sat over by Caboose and the young rookie smiled at his old friend. Wash shrugged and lay down next to Sarge. He got a tiny smile. Now this was a team. They cared for each other, protected one another, and trusted everyone on the team. Wash gave a light chuckle. A very enjoyable time at Project Freelancer indeed.

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**4,168 words? Holy crap! That's the most I've ever done before! :D Awesome!  
**

**Thanks for reading, please review, and have a bow chicka bow wow day!  
Perla: And may it be the best one ever, of all time  
**


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